#22 Who are you and what do you do?
Exploring the question of one's identity.
You know how you meet someone new at a party and one of you invariably asks, so what do you do? Yup, that dreaded question. A question which is connected very closely to our day jobs, our worth to society and ourselves—pretty much our identity. What if you have worked for 15 years to finally become a business head of an international organisation, and you decided to leave that career path for good? What then do you introduce yourself as to that person you've just met?
Our identity just as everything else in this world is always changing. We think it doesn't but ever-so-slightly it keeps sneaking up on us.
At 17, I wanted to be a…
It's funny at 17, I wanted to be a financial consultant. I was good at Excel sheets and even taught my classmates all about spreadsheets. The spreadsheet story is that an uncle visiting from London when I was barely eight years old, I guess, asked me what I do on the new computer my father had bought me. And I must have responded with something about collecting music, and pictures or using Microsoft Paint to draw, besides, of course, playing games. He then sat me down and explained the concept of debit and credit and how to create a spreadsheet to keep a handle on accounts/money. I am not sure whether I identified as someone who is good at spreadsheets before this encounter. But after it, I was proud of my newfound ability. Just to be able to put in functions to get the basic stuff done automatically was a cool thing to know and be known for in the household, at least. Today, I owe my ability to research and analyse professionally to that chance encounter and the change in the identity trajectory that it brought. It allowed me to be identified as “good at spreadsheets” in addition to other things that could lend to the identity of being me.
When I graduated from college, a job at one of the largest companies in the world, HP (short for Hewlett-Packard), was another such moment. Here I thought, I'd take up a job in finance, and I ended up becoming a small administrative cog in a large machine that was HP back then. Don't get me wrong, a friend from college (who was also placed with me) and I made the most of what it had to offer, but even still, it was what it was—a non-cerebral role at a large organisation that we had little impact on. So again the identity shifted, from soon-to-be-in-finance to the first-ones-to-get-a-job from college.
I can keep listing such identity shifts in my life, but you get the point already, don't you? At 17, I was this close to the financial trajectory and now at 37, I find that I am an illustrator and a writer. Since one's identity keeps changing with what they spend most of their time doing, soon we ought to realise that these changes are in our control. We can be what we want to be, we can do what we want to do.
When you get asked now—what do you do
Next time when someone asks us what we do for a living. We could answer the question with what we are spending our time doing at the moment, they are anyway asking us to size us up and decide how much respect we command. There is of course legitimacy that society places on being able to make a living from what we are doing, but that is society's problem, not ours. Our problem is just this—finding time to do what we love doing. And doing it every day to find joy and peace, until we find we get good at it. And suddenly one day you'd realise that the identity of doing what you've been doing has already crept in without you noticing it. And now, when someone asks you at a party, you get this feeling in your gut, that you are this new person who does this new thing.
So identity is ever-changing and malleable, life and our experience of it don't remain the same across years, and decades. Sometimes motivations change, and you find inspiration at other places than you did in the past. You could if you wanted to, be the best "financial consultant" and just do that for decades, but if you start finding that it's been too many years of being one then you could choose to be any other person, any other identity that pleases your fancy.
And we don't have to squeeze ourselves into the mould that society places upon us. We always have the option to change the mould. Or better yet, break it.
Recently I met a childhood friend and she asked, as they always do, "What do you do, Karan?" and I said, I write and make art. She did not know what I did before this. So it was easy. She said, oh okay. That's awesome. This was one of the first few times I identified with what I do now for a "living".
Another encounter I had recently which was humbling, was when I met another writer (a published writer, someone who had a published book to their name), and he too asked what I did. And I went, "I write and make art", while he was so pleased to hear about me having written whatever number of articles and thoughts I’ve written so far, never did he mention that he was a writer himself. Instead, he asked me how I am so consistent with writing. It was so kind of him and I was so engrossed in telling my story that I didn't take the chance to ask him his. In my defence, it was at a wedding and the music was so loud that I had earplugs on half the time so it wasn't the most conducive environment for a coherent conversation. If you're keen here's the book he has written, The Last Dance by Anmol Arora. It is a story of identity, love and ambition.
Next time you meet someone new, be kind and listen to their response intently or you could question the question itself? Perhaps, ask instead...
- What is your favourite thing to do in the world? And that might as well be their day job. At least that way we'd know they find joy in it. Or we could ask directly...
- What did you do this week that brought you the most joy? And this will take us to discuss something that we know they are actively doing to find joy in their life. Or we could ask them directly...
- What would you wish other people knew about you?
These questions as conversation starters take us to a place of kindness and joy, instead of sizing someone up by an arbitrary yardstick of how much respect society places on their day job.
Unless of course you already know what they do and you want to derive business advancement from them, in that case, you are business savvy and you know what you are doing.
Further Reading if you are interested in this topic:
But who are you really? by Charles Assisi in the Hindustan Times
Art Updates
01 of 01: Since we are on the topic of identity. This week, I made this new ID Cards / Visiting Cards.
I felt these were so cool. I could play around and change the shapes in the background. Mix and match colours and gradients. The background remains to be explored. So much to do and so less time. :)
Should you want me to make one for you, just message me here:
Bonus: These are a good reminder of the previous ones I made. If you haven’t already, take a look:
Same objective, and yet so different.
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Hope you’re having a great downtime during the holidays. Thank you for your attention. Consider sharing this post with someone you think will enjoy it. I appreciate you, your love and your support. That’s all for now. Speak to you next Sunday!
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